purpl3_mystic

Feeling so God damn stupid right now, for listening to you, for changing my schedule and causing hell at the restaurant, for believing that spending more time together is important to YOU when today, it shows that it isn't.

Stupid game for being so addictive.

I have been messed up my assignments quite a bit lately. It's putting me in a downright sudden-panic attack, like every hour or 2. It's my final year, and I really really don't want to stay another year here. No freakin way!!!

Even when I know I need to start on my other assignments straight away, knowing that I messed up doesn't encourage me to do the best I can for the rest of the sem; instead I feel like living in this pessimism. Feels weird diagnosing yourself, but yea, I've been playing Farm Mania for the last 2 hours and the guilt has sunk even lower......

This morning, I was walking around Central Market and I just kept thinking how my brother would love to be there and see all the nice goodies that we don't usually get in KL. Felt like calling him that instant to take leave and come visit me. I'll even pay for the whole trip! That's how much I feel I want my family with me right now. My brother is the worst person to comfort you because he doesn't know what to say most of the time, usually it's just, ' everything will be alright'. But God, I really want my family with me now. Half considered going to the airport and taking a flight home then and then. I couldn't care less about the rest of the sem.

SP2, I know I've messed up but give me a chance and I'll prove you haven't beaten me yet.

Wednesday's class is such a freakin long way to go..........

1 week of semester break is over. Target reached? Nope. Haven't even finished one assignment yet!! Gah... 1 more week left. Gotta make that count!! I've been so lazy and in the holiday mood and the it's-my-last-year mood that I've been watching movies!

Can't wait for this year to be over, yet I'm uneasy over what the future holds. Where am I going to settle after graduation? Australia? Malaysia? Singapore? And how will the banking industry be like for me? Am I made out for a desk job with fixed 9-5 hours?

When I was younger, I've always told myself I wanted a job that would enable me to meet and communicate with people, something flexible and something that jet sets me around the world! Now I wonder if I can handle that, seeing as I am not really an extrovert as I thought I always was, always staying home and wanting to go home, and being all 'good girl' ish!

*sigh*

Back to assignments now. Ta

IMHO, sparking romance in a relationship, once in a while, should be made obligatory by either parties. It doesn't have to a page long poem, a song written or candle light dinner as per say traditionale, but a gesture that shows you have gone out of your way to make the other person know how much you love them sounds romantic too.

I don't understand why romance tends to die off after a while in relationships and it makes me sad because I am one of those lovey-dovey people (well, not all the time of course). Some say that it is not necessary or that it's usually done during courtship and then after only on special occasions like anniversaries and valentines day. And some say that they have no clue as to what to do. Come on, there's plenty of resources and ideas from the internet and romance novels. I don't think it'll hurt to just research a bit if one has no inspiration!

As for the excuse that it's only done on special occasions? Isn't there a saying that everyday should be valentines day? While that can be exhausting, I firmly believe that a gesture every now and then can't hurt that much, neither does romance have to burn a hole through one's wallet! Again, research and asking for ideas can help greatly.

As for the excuse that it is not necessary? Tell me, what do you do to show appreciation for your significant half, when he/she's there for your ups and downs? Is it not necessary to say thank you or some form of it as you would to a friend, more so to your partner? Sometimes I feel that significant others are taken for granted faster and more frequently than friends, because we are suppose to 'understand' that some things are said without spoken like thanks. Why is that really? My boyfriend and I are 2 different people, am I suppose to read his mind for a silent appreciation now?

I'm just ranting here because I am unable to get much sleep today. For some reasons I've been having strange dreams so it's quite disturbing. Would just like to share that I still believe that romance in a relationship is vital, during courtship and during a steady relationship. It strengthens the bond between people and it creates wonderful memories. It can be a good time for both as well.

So after birthday experience.

I think the other day of letting out everything has helped a lot, as well as talking to Kavi about it. I'm glad she seems to be able to relate quite a lot of the things that I've been going through. And she was nice enough to call me out to dinner when most don't.

Sometimes I feel that people only remember your birthday because facebook tells you that. No more circling on the calender. Makes me feel like even though I know so many people, I get all these greetings because they're being courteous that a piece of technology tells them it's someone's birthday.

I guess I should be thankful for what I have, even though sometimes I feel that I've already lost them. Can't explain that feeling though.

Bf's been pretty tense up lately and I worry about him. Nothing much I can do really except support him, manja, and try to encourage him. I only hope that things really do work out for him. Instinctively, I feel it's going to be a pretty rough road ahead and I hope he can manage it.



Day 5 : I still feel whiny and a kid because I didn't get a single card or present. I'm definitely a young adult now.

It's going to be my birthday in about 8 hours ish. My party hasn't even been planned properly yet, and I have already gotten the feeling that not many people are going to turn up and it'll be a dull event! Somehow the parties I plan turn out that way and I get so frightful that my guests won't have a fun time! Praying praying praying it won't be like that!!

Yesterday had supper with Lee, watched loads of people out on a Saturday night. Dressed to the nine, going clubbing or pubs. Sometimes I can't help wishing I was like that, able to have drinking buddies and to do wacky stupid things that years down the road I'll be whacking my head thinking, 'WHY!!!'. Lee says I'm the epitome of a good girl, stays home, does her work, doesn't swear, doesn't drink or smoke.... Bf says I'm being a responsible person and there's nothing wrong with that. I know I'm having one of those illogical moment, but I really do wish my life wasn't all so boring!!

Do something about it you say? Yea, I need to find friends to go out with first of all!! That's another thing, I'm beginning to wonder where they have all gone. We see each other in uni but there's no outside contact. I really miss those days where I go out with people whom we share common interests. I just find myself in such a parallel world now. 

I think I'm just feeling lonely. I don't seem to find anyone to talk to nowadays besides my bf.

WHERE HAS EVERYONE GONE??!?!?

I envy some of my friends who are able to study abroad and still feel at home. It's been like officially 10 months since I studied in Adelaide (I took away the 3 months of break), and it's weird that I haven't felt at ease yet.

Don't get me wrong. I've met some awesome and interesting characters but I haven't met people who've made me feel comfortable. The last time I thought I did, it turned into a disaster. Not going to go there again!

I'm a lil confuse as to why I haven't felt really at home here. I could blame it on my landlord who says I can't put up pictures and make the room live-able, but I could also say that I've kind of turned into an introvert (something my 17 year old self with be horrified at).

I think I just feel lonely here. I mean I know some nice people who would listen to me ramble and whine, but not really someone whom I can just lie back with and feel that everything's going to be ok.

I really do miss my bf. And my family. And Yuki. I miss my old friends before we all went our separate ways for education. I highly doubt I'll get to mix with the same sort of people again. But one thing I am glad is that we talk to each other occasionally.

Ah, enough rambling for now. Time to work on assignments and get that accomplished feeling again.

I am so pooped! My room is in a mess., haven't done the laundry and can't be bothered to cook tonight (But I have to or the fish will expire). Luckily I have only Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturday nights for work.

It's not too bad working as a waitress, although I get confuse with the job description. One hour I take orders and the rest of the shift I don't. Oh well, I guess it'll take some time before I have to do it all. Carrying plates are scary especially when they place a glass bowl of salad right on the huge main meal plate!!! Luckily my balancing skills are a bit more honed with carrying food upstairs for a year now. But the hot plates would take some adjusting to, burnt my fingers a bit.

Feeling sleepy now. Off for a nap!

Yes guys, I got that waitress-ing job at the Italian restaurant! *goes in manic self-praising mode* Hehe.....

It started off a bit weird. Dan (the guy who gave me the trial and 2nd in command) forgot he did that!! So for like 30 mins I stood there confused. But then they decided to give me the trial anyway since I was there and another trail-candidate was going to leave. So I started at 7pm.

I never knew waitress-ing was so tough! My feet and ankle hurts so much now!! One minute I was giving out menus, the next collecting dirty dishes before rushing to clean it (in the meantime getting stopped by another customer for something else) and then trying to set the table without dropping the cutlery. Also I run back to the bar to polish the cutleries before it goes on the tables and put away the cups and glasses. 

Oh yea, I broke a wine glass today. Oops....

Anyway, they want me back there tomorrow at 6pm. It might be another like 5-6 more hours of the dinner rush. Oh well. I kind of like the feel of being busy and making sure everyone gets what they want. Although I get confuse with the table numbering, need to familiarize myself with that. Hehe...

Okie. Going off to bath before sleeping. Shoe shopping tomorrow for better shoes. My flats are dying on me now.

Yes, I am indeed in need of money. Why? My every so accomodating landlord decided to install internet in the hostel despite only changing it this year, and making all previous tenant go through hell of waiting for the phone line from Telstra (who has bad customer service) and then finding other people to share the internet wireless, thus sharing the cost.

Well, I was sharing with 2 other girls, Elaine and YiZhi. Unfortunately, YiZhi moved to a room that can't reach the range of my modem. And I was so hoping the girl who replaced her would share with me. But she, like the rest of the newcomers are under the intern Uncle set up for them. Now Elaine and I are the only ones bearing the cost of the phone rental and internet! And all because last year he told me to get my own line and share. Jeez....

So yea, coming to the point. Got a trial at an Italian restaurant in Grote st. Am so excited! I think I'll be doing waitress-ing since they told me to dress in all black. Yay!

And the bf shares a brief moment of enthusiasm before continuing to be engrossed in the Game. Men. Boys